I’m back, ladies and gents


Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me. You’re not getting off that easy. But you would be right for thinking, “Here’s another thing he can’t follow through on.” You got me.

But is is now 2016 and Christmas is over. The times of eating all that chocolate and spending time with that creepy drunken uncle has faded with the memory of that time prior to the holidays when you were thin or you didn’t have stray tree needles all over the fucking carpet a week after taking the tree down AND vacuuming those fuckers up.

Anyway. What I want to talk about is guidance counselors. There is a reason why they do not exist under that name in high schools any longer. It’s because they are biggest pseudo-human waste of space assholes who are not talented enough to teach but still found a way to get two months off in summer and a killer pension plan, but without having to deal with a gaggle of  inattentive students that are probably jacked up on an unhealthy dose of Ritalin to treat their ADHD that is probably not ADHD at all. An aside: Ritalin is also used to treat narcolepsy. Yay, sleep!


But back to guidance counselors. They are like Richard (Dick) Vernon, the teacher in The Breakfast Club that still harbours anger after all those years of teaching that the profession is “real work”, according to Carl, the janitor, who is not above some friendly neighbourhood blackmailing. Carl  should be the guidance counselor because I’d rather take advice from a straight shooter than from Dick Vernon, who has some long-standing delusion of grandeur despite making a whooping $34,000 a year.

Guidance counselors are incapably deficient when faced with trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. When faced with the prospect of trying to direct a student that has no clear idea of what they want to do with their lives, they are left clamouring for an answer like a Jeopardy contestant that knows the question but can’t retrieve it before the buzzer sounds. Bzzz, time is up guidance counselor. You lose.

Today, on the suggestion of The Bloggess, I did the Myers-Briggs personality test. I also did this same test back in high school on the suggestion of my friendly guidance counselor, who needed to pigeonhole me into some category. The Myers-Briggs test is a good one though, and just like in high school, I am INFP, which is high on the introversion scale (also known as ‘down with people’) and feeling, intuitive and turbulent personality scales. It actually rates personality as ‘turbulent’ or ‘assertive’, two interesting variables on the scale.

So my personality has not changed from high school. Does this mean I remain true to myself or does this mean I ceased evolving at age 17? Given that I have not changed personality-wise, does this mean the guidance counselor did his job and got it right?

Nah, that can’t be it.